Ms. Dooley - a.k.a. Queen Nefertiti (11th Post)
During my childhood and teenage years, miracles were a rare find. Mrs. Mason, in catholic grade school, was the first miracle to aid me during, my suffering and undiagnosed struggles. Ms. Dooley, in catholic high school, was the second miracle. Like Mrs. Mason, Ms. Dooley was the only lay teacher in a sea of navy-clad nuns. As with Mrs. Mason, she loved and enjoyed her job. She was also kind, caring, and safe to be around. Ms. Dooley taught Western Civilization Class. I also give Ms. Dooley full credit for teaching me about power, also the importance and absolute wonder of history. Her passion and enthusiasm for the course were infectious. Unlike the dreary, rote, and sanitized classes the nuns taught, her class was an adventure into the exotic. She was a true enchantress. She introduced the diversity and mesmerizing aspects of the Ancient Cultures which had existed before catholicism. Ms. Dooley did not just stand and lecture; she told us stories, she brought in picture books, relics, artwork, and artifacts to enhance the course information.
In her class, we covered many ancient civilizations. I was fascinated with the Ancient Greeks, especially the cities and people of Athens and Sparta. I discovered that Ms. Dooley was aware of my enchantment with the Greeks. She recommended a book on Greek Mythology. That little paperback book made quite a big impression on me. To me, the Goddess and Gods were more human than divine. Among the deities, I was most taken with the Goddess Athena. Like with Mrs. Mason and Joan of Arc, Ms. Dooley and Athena enhanced my collection of desperation skills. Ms. Dooley modeled for me the importance of fully diving into what you love. Athena was a great model on how to be a powerful warrior Goddess who also fought with wisdom, valor, and heart. (And talk about respect - wow - Athena had it) I read a book about the Acropolis - ( a hill on which the Greeks built important temples for their deities.) They built the largest temple called The Parthenon to worship Athena. This structure was magnificent and held a 38-foot statue of Athena, made of ivory and gold. She wore a crown on her head, a long ceremonial tunic, a breastplate, and on her left side was a large shield that rested on the ground. Beside the shield was a very long spear that reached her crown. I am sure that Wonder Woman was a direct descendant of this show-stopping Goddess.
Athena is often depicted in statues and drawings in armor, helmet, holding a sword and/ or a spear, and accompanied by her totem - The Owl. ( Sorry Harry Potter, you were not the first to have an Owl Guardian.) Athena was a protector of people, towns, and heroes. She was the favorite Goddess of many a warrior. And she had heart.
It was her heart that fascinated me. She was also often depicted as The Mourning Athena. During my research on Athena,I found a picture of her mourning the loss of soldiers who died in battle. I still have that precious picture. She is standing before the grave of a fallen soldier. She is dressed in a simple long tunic, has a simple helmet on her head, and is leaning on a very long spear. The interesting part is the blade of the spear is covered by her hand. Her head is tilted downward, and her eyes are fixated on the grave. The look on her face is solemn. I realized she knew how to grieve.
She knew grieving was important. So many people run from, diminish, make fun of, or ignore grief - their own and others. Athena had the courage and dignity to both embrace and show her grief. She was a passionately dedicated warrior and well-known and lesser known warriors who died in battle received her full attention, time, and grief. She understood suffering and loss. I sat staring at her picture for a very long time. I had prayed to the catholic god since childhood to help me and no help had come. I was miserable and suffering. Up to that point in my life, I had never seen a grieving deity. She modeled grief as an important part of life. I was inspired to make grieving a part of mine. I could embrace my grief. I could let myself feel my grief. I could be a warrior woman who had heart. It was a worthy goal. I knew what I wanted, however, had no idea how to begin as part of my survival including hiding my sadness. However, I never let go of that goal and many years later, in therapy, I learned how to grieve and be comfortable with the grief of others. I believe even if one is not in the military when you fight for your life or you fight to live you are a warrior. Since warriors do not always win the good fight, when that happens the gift of grief is there to comfort and speak of valor and courage.
As I said I eventually learned how to grieve. Until that time came…whenever I was overcome by sadness and grief, I would close my eyes and see Athena standing beside me. She would clasp my trembling hand with hers and with her other hand she would hold her spear. Then, she would lean toward me and whisper ever so softly and gently…..I know.
To this day, Athena is my go-to Goddess. I often think of Ms. Dooley. I will share a fun memory. We were studying Ancient Egyptian Culture. She brought in a picture of the Egyptian Queen - Nefertiti. She had been the favorite wife of Ramesses II Because she was his beloved he built her the most beautiful tomb in the Valley of the Queens. When Ms. Dooley showed us her picture - the whole class gasped in unison. Ms. Dooley could have been her sister or even Nefertiti herself. She noticed and inquired about our reaction. We tried to explain to her the unique likeness, however, she just laughed and said she did not see it. I sat there bewildered by her lack of understanding. Ms.Dooley had Nefertiti’s lovely olive-colored skin, raven black hair, eyes and eyebrows, and her bone structure. I know she is not, however, what fun to think that an Egyptian Queen was teaching our class. Now that is a real moment in history.
I wanted to be passionate about something, just like Ms. Dooley. I wanted being passionate to be a part of my personality. I felt that being passionate about something was a worthy goal. However, at that time I did not know TBI had damaged the part of my frontal lobe that assists in the development of a self-identity. Because of that damage, as I grew up I could only know my TBI personality. This meant even if I was indeed a passionate person - I would not be able to see or understand who I was. It was not until 2019 when I was diagnosed with TBI and started rehab, that I began to have glimpses of my personality that others easily observed and identified.