Read this before starting the blog
Dear Reader,
A Letter To You.
In this blog, I have shared how my family’s words and behaviors impacted my personal journey with undiagnosed TBIs. I have also explained how their dysfunctional relationship issues influenced my life in general. Your TBI, or disability, will, as it did for me, alter your relationship with yourself and your family. Consequently, it is crucial to explore the emotional nature of your family, (this will also hold true for your friends and others you encounter in your life.)
Who exactly are the people who compose your family? How in general do they behave toward you? How do you perceive their responses to how your disability has altered your life? If your family is emotionally healthy and functions with maturity, they will openly journey with you in your rehabilitation and make adjustments to the new you. If your family members are toxic and function with immaturity, you are in desperate need of a Plan B. Trust me, Plan B is not an option; it is a life-saving necessity.
Toxic and dysfunctional people always put their needs above all others. They purposely avoid facing harsh or uncomfortable realities (for that matter any type of reality), and work hard to maintain a deluded status quo rather than adapt to productive change.
A word of caution: finding your way through the maze of a dysfunctional family is not for the faint of heart. First, you need a depth of courage, self-compassion, and self-care skills. Second, you need assistance. I strongly recommend securing a qualified, (as many are not), therapist, and a healthy, ( many are not), support group. Your rehabilitation of your TBI or disability will alter your personality, and how others respond to you.
At this point in time, (though things could change - right?), the majority of TBIs and other disabilities cannot be healed only rehabbed. Plus, in the medical world, and in your world in general, in order to receive the appropriate emotional care and physical assistance, you and your caregivers need to develop a strong, instinctual advocacy impulse. Recall the scene in the movie “Terms of Endearment “when Shirley MacLaine angrily requested medication from the nurses' station. Who would not want this ferocious Mama Bear as one’s advocate?
Your journey with TBI or a disability might be overwhelming, frightening, challenging, and at times very lonely. However, you will also find the amazing results of rehab can also contribute to reinventing yourself as the person you want to be. Surrounding yourself with medical and non-medical people who WANT to understand TBI or your disability, and who WANT to act in your best interests is how human beings create magic and miracles for each other.
TBI and disabilities produce soul-wrenching suffering and physical pain. You, Dear Reader, deserve the very best support and self-care. In closing, I would also suggest you always stay open to the kindness of strangers. In some of my darkest moments, before and after rehab, the unexpected kindness of strangers blessed my world in ways I could never have imagined. And when you are in need of a “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” remember what James Baldwin said - “Not everything faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”