The Segway (23rd Post)

Dear Reader, the previous post concludes our story detour into a series of posts discussing my immediate and extended family’s dysfunctional relationship issues.

I also discussed the toxic impact these issues had on me. Those challenges were in addition to the frustration and heartache of coping with symptoms of undiagnosed brain damage. With the exception of my younger sister, the rest of the family did little to alleviate my burden.  End of detour.

Segway - where we last let off in “Solving The Puzzle Of Me”, prior to the detour, I posted the “Merry Old Land of Oz”.

In 10th grade, I experienced a life-altering opportunity. A friend, who knew I was deeply unhappy attending catholic school, invited me to go on a day trip to visit her public school, a.k.a.” Merry Old Land of Oz.” During the visit, I was all astonished, and by the end, I realized a safer and more humanized approach to school existed. I returned from “Oz” and convinced my parents to release me from the traumatizing nightmare of catholic school. 

My parents agreed I could transfer to “Oz.”I was elated to have that part of myself set free. Due to adults and other children’s reactions to the undiagnosed Traumatic Brain Injury symptoms (TBI), from the first head injury, I felt trapped within myself. TBI-induced extreme rage, low frustration tolerance, missed social cues, and an inability to translate thoughts into actions plagued my existence and resulted in negative social consequences. I also had Anosognosia ( the failure to perceive oneself accurately due to brain damage.) Therefore, my attempts to self-repair my symptoms were futile. Consequently, I felt trapped inside myself - unable to be who I wanted to be in the outside world. It was similar to being stuck between 2 worlds. Feeling trapped, in any situation or circumstance, is a scary and horrible emotion. From 1st to 10th grade, I felt physically trapped in the abuse and torment from catholic school. Trapped in an unsafe environment is the worst feeling ever. Feeling myself stuck in horrible internal and external situations resulted in frequent suicidal ideation. I was so lost and miserable. After my visit to “Oz,” I saw the light at the end of one of those tunnels. If I could not free the inner me, I was bound and determined to free the outer me. And so I did. By 11th grade, I had become an official citizen of the “Merry Old Land of Oz.”

Feeling both somewhat terrified and definitely elated, I began this new adventure. However, little did I realize that the “Wonderland” of steady, part-time work had actually helped prepare me for “Oz”. So next post we will go down the" Rabbit Hole” that led me to discover and create the “Village of Work” in” Wonderland.”