The Gift of a Sandcastle Future (37th Post)

 The summer before my senior year in high school, my parents discussed THEIR vision of my future. They said I had two choices, and they would support either. They informed me if I wanted to attend college, they would help me pay for college. They would contribute what they could, and I would need to find a job at college to cover the rest. The other option was if I decided to live at home after graduation, I would need to find a full-time job and pay the rent. The choice was entirely up to me.  However, remember, Dear Reader, In the previous post, I discussed how the brain damage from the TBIs impacted my executive functions, including the ability to make decisions. Therefore, the most important decisions should not be left to me and my brain alone, especially due to TBIs. And in the last post, I also discussed how the brain damage impacted my ability to create a future. The short version is I was not making this decision with a full deck.  SIGH.

The summer before my senior year, my part-time job had morphed into full-time summer employment. As the start of the school year loomed closer, one day, my supervisor suggested, after graduation, I apply for a full-time supervisor position. I was thrilled she thought so highly of me and also thrilled she had presented a future for me.  So, I told my parents I planned to work full-time and live at home until I could afford an apartment. All seemed settled. With the assistance of my “work village” and my “high school village” I had created a life I was content with - even happy with at times. I had friends to hang out with, who created beautiful adventures for me. I liked my part-time job and my co-workers. I spent little time at home…for sure. I enjoyed my teachers and classes at school, and I was dating. Plus, society was changing for the better with Civil Rights and Women’s Rights FINALLY being addressed. So, I  found life in general to be interesting and intriguing. A full-time job and my own apartment sounded perfect to me. However, unbeknownst to me that was all about to change.

One day I was hanging out with my friend Irene at her house. I shared what my parents had told me and my decision with her. Irene was an important person in my high school village. She was worldly and fun. To my surprise, after I finished talking, Irene just stared at me, not at all hiding the look of alarm on her face. I thought she would be happy for me, but from her expression, apparently not. She calmly said to me in a stern voice, “I am going to college, all your friends are going to college - and YOU are going to college - so go find a college.”  It might seem like she is bossy, but I did not see it that way. I experienced Irene as being extremely helpful and caring. Due to my TBIs, I needed clear guidance and direction. Irene very skillfully always provided me with that type of assistance. Then she added, “and figure out what you want to study.” My reply was a simple “Ok.” I trusted Irene. She had helped me in so many ways. Since age 5, I had been desperate for guidance and had become excellent at following any good guidance I received. So upon my return home, I informed my parents I had changed my mind and was going to attend college. Their reply was a simple “that’s fine,” 

I set about my assigned task. I was raised in a misogynic society, so the guidance counselor I saw at school - and I use those words loosely - told me, “As a woman, I had two career choices: - teaching or nursing.” I remembered my world civilization teacher - Ms. Dooley who inspired me to study history. So, I thought I too would become a history teacher.  One part of my assignment was now completed. For college, I knew I wanted to be far away from home. I found a college to my liking in Massachusetts. I applied and was accepted. Upon telling my parents, their only reply was when the time comes you will have to fly there yourself, as we cannot afford to go.

When I told Irene I had been accepted by said college. She was thrilled. She then asked if I bought all the things I would need at college. I said, “Ummm….what things do I need?”  She sat down and made a list and told me to go shopping. So off I went and bought all the items she had listed. Another assignment was completed. I had a future and it was called college. 

To this day I am deeply, beyond words, grateful for Irene’s friendship, care, and guidance.  I will never forget her kindness and concern for my welfare. She was the ‘parent’ who helped me find a college. Today she is an accomplished and prestigious lawyer. She is happily married and has a lovely and amazing daughter. I am beyond pleased she dreamt and found her future. I wish you Dear Reader such a friend as Irene. 

 The day came for me to figuratively and literally take flight. I had never flown before and was uncertain about the prospect of going solo. However, I remembered my kindness of stranger rule (see earlier posts). I knew there were Stewardesses on the plane. When the day arrived I informed the Stewardesses of my situation and they create a safe and fun flight experience for me. On the plane, I wished deeply I would be able to create a college village to help me navigate the experience.. Perhaps, I mused, I would also find people like Irene who could help me stop the sand from falling through my fingers and help me build a future of sand castles. Beautiful, functional sandcastles.