It's All About the Ride (38th Post)

The day arrived on which I would leave for college. My parents dropped me off at National Airport in Washing D.C. without much fanfare. My flight from Virginia to Massachusetts went smoothly. Most of the flight, I spent gazing out the plane’s windows. I was enchanted by the fact I was figuratively and literally, either above or in the white wispy fog of the clouds. Prior to this adventure of my first plane ride, my only view of the clouds was achieved by simply standing on the earth and looking up into the sky. During the flight, I was also fascinated with the constantly changing and enigmatic landscape looming below me. I was mesmerized by being able to experience the world of space, inhabited by the air, clouds, sun, moon, and an assortment of flying species. And now the human species had created an assortment of vehicles to experience the art of flying, and be able to hang out with the clouds.

Although that was my first flight, and I was flying to an unseen destination, plus, flying/traveling solo, I remember I did not feel lonely or apprehensive. The kindness of strangers was working her charm. During the flight, the stewardesses periodically would visit with me. I found their company delightful. And I was busy being captivated by the sensation of being transported through space. I settled into the experience called flying on a plane. I realized - to borrow a well-known motorcycle phrase -  flying “Was All About The Ride.” 

Over my lifetime, people often ask me why I am never bored. Honestly, I have no concept of boredom. In fact, I cannot understand what people mean by “feeling bored.” Over the years, many strangers and friends have said to me - “I can see why you don’t get bored - as you always seem to find wonder in your surroundings.” I was not sure what they meant, however, I was always assured what they said was meant as a compliment. After I was diagnosed with Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI), I began to wonder (pun intended) was the ability to see “Wonder” somehow the reason I was never bored? Up to that point, the only good thing I figured out from the TBI diagnosis was it must be the reason I never got headaches. To this day, I have no idea what a headache feels like. I had learned I had TBI Anosognesia - the inability to see my personality accurately. So, I think that must be why I was surprised that people said I had the ability to embrace wonder. Growing up I had discerned for some unknown reason, my behaviors and executive functions were more child-like than my peers. Perhaps a part of my brain that was damaged stayed in its childhood state. 

I learned it takes 25 years for the human brain to reach maturity. During many childhood developmental stages, children cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. They live happily in the wonder of “let’s pretend and make-believe." They are fascinated and curious about many things. And, at certain stages, they cannot understand logic as their brain has not yet developed that neurological ability. Many a parent will tell you before the age of 7 - good luck with convincing kids to be logical. That is why adults can so easily make “magic” for children. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Muppets, etc. are all adult creations that bring wonder to children’s worlds. 

Maybe a part of my brain that was too damaged to grow, stayed in a state of wonder. And maybe the parts of my brain that did grow continued to provide wonder to the damaged part. Or, maybe my wonder ability has nothing to do with TBI. Who knows? Just guessing here. But,,,,,,,,,, I gotta wonder. Ahh, dear reader, is your thinking maybe the TBI is a silver lining or blessing in disguise concerning the lack of headaches, boredom, and making wonder?  If so, please don’t.  For me, the TBI is a curse I am continually working hard to break. The reality of reality is some people don’t get a good life. It’s not that I have a bad life - far from it. I do, though, not have the life of my dreams due to TBI. So far, I have not found a Fairy Godmother or Knight in Shinning Armor to assist me in breaking the curse and living happily ever after. SIGH. 

So what is the moral of the airplane story? It is challenging for me to put into words, however, here goes. Whether at home alone or out in the world I never feel alone or neglected. All I have to do is notice the wonder in my surroundings  - and sometimes I  also find awe sitting beside her. If you look you will find wonder and awe are there waiting patiently to be seen. Since the first TBI, I have always felt broken somehow. On the airplane ride to Massachusetts, I was like a bird with a broken wing.  My friend Irene had created this wonder for me. (see the previous post). And on the plane, I created the wonder for myself. And at that moment I was flying - even with a broken wing. All too soon my plane landed at Logan Airport in Boston. Little did I know that as I walked away from the plane, I was going to discover “Kismet - a dear friend of “Wonder”.