A Moment of Normal (49th Post)

The journey of my first serious romantic relationship started to evolve the night after I graduated from high school. The night before THAT night, after our graduation ceremony, 3 girlfriends and I had celebrated that rite of passage at the G.W. Campus Club located in Washington, D.C. While we were merrymaking, my dear friend Irene, to her surprise, unexpectedly encountered four male friends from her past. Her father, a government diplomat had been stationed in Panama. During that tour, Irene attended a school for the children of US government workers stationed in Panama. At that school, she had become friends with those four guys. While engaged in this mini-reunion, Irene invited the four guys to visit her the following night. On the drive home from the Club, Irene told us about her encounter and also invited the three of us to come and meet her friends. The three of us were excited to be invited to the visit. My developmental dating stage had been thwarted by the misogynistic environment of my former catholic school, which I had attended from first to tenth grade. In the eleventh grade, I finally escaped to public school. Now in a normal-gender environment, where adults actually considered dating “normal” for a teenager, I fully entered the daunting developmental stage commonly referred to as “Dating.” Consequently, by the end of high school, I only had 2 years of learning and practicing the art of dating. Most of my peers had started a lot earlier. SIGH. In addition to the late start, unbeknownst to me, my undiagnosed PTSD and TBI (see previous posts) had seriously contaminated ALL of my developmental learning curves. Now, they would invade my dating scene. 

Dear Reader, you may be thinking ….hmmm…a lot of adolescents struggle with some of these symptoms. For example, I was wrestling with undiagnosed Anosognosia (the inability to accurately see and understand one’s personality), neuro-fatigue, passive suicide ideation, missed social cues, excessive rage, difficulty in regulating emotional reactions, lack of self-identity, auditory hypersensitivity, daily overstimulation, child-like solutions compared to my peers, inability to translate words into action, and drug addiction…..to name a few. If these are your thoughts, then one needs to explore the causation, as the teenage years have their challenges for both parents and teens. Therefore, locating the cause can mitigate the challenges. And we all know some distressed children/teens do not receive adequate and/or healthy parenting. In my case, if the medical community had explored my symptoms they would have discovered I had brain damage. However, in the 60s the medical world thought there were few serious symptoms of concussions, which today we know is an erroneous and dangerous assumption. So, in addition to the “drama of the teenage years,” I had the puzzle of me to figure out on my own. For, I had parents who had episodic interests in my life. 

There is a well-known saying - “one cannot know someone else in a relationship if one does not know one’s self.” That dilemma was certainly my phantom nemesis in high school and college. (Therapy came to the rescue after college.). The only part of myself I knew existed was the “puzzle” - my undiagnosed TBI/PTSD personality. I had not been able to see or understand the functional, intriguing, brilliant, and other positive aspects of myself. Because, the TBI/PTSD symptoms were so prominent and disruptive to my life….and peace of mind….they got all my attention. Thus, I created the mission to solve the puzzle of me. 

Like most teens I wanted to be “normal,” have a boyfriend, fall in love, get married, and have a career - you know - “the happily ever after” and the functional stuff. And so I eagerly took on the challenge of dating.  So Dear Reader, back we go to the gathering at Irene’s home the night after our graduation. 

We three girls had arrived earlier than the appointed time. After all, there was girl talk to do before the guys arrived. We also had a makeup session and just enjoyed all the girly stuff girls do around getting ready to meet boys. And many times the before events turned out to be more fun than the boys we had met.  Amid the anxiety and laughter, we heard a knock on Irene’s front door. “Ye gads” the guys had arrived. Irene’s wonderful parents had been kind enough to depart their home for the evening. Clearly, we had felt, they understood the meet and greet of teen dating. Irene opened the door and the four guys entered. Of course, we all just stood there for moments - checking each other out. Becoming more aware of our scrutiny, Irene suggested we convene in the living room. It was nice; all the guys seemed relaxed. As I expected, most of their conversation had been Irene and the guys reminiscing and storytelling concerning their life in Panama. I engaged in the behavior I had developed at age 5, after the first head wound. I had been studying them all - both the girls and the boys. I had been very attentive to everything they said. I had been trying to figure out how to act, and looking for ways to contribute to the conversation. I was not shy - I was just cautious and uncertain. 

Overall, I enjoyed the meet and greet. Diane and Robert had been flirting, and Celeste appeared interested in Dave, Rick, and Web. I felt like none of them were flirting with me. However, I was just happy to meet the guys and join the group. After the evening drew to a close and the guys had left, we girls had fun engaging in girl talk about the guys and how we thought the visit had gone. The very next day, to my astonishment, Rick called me. He said Irene had given him my number. He asked me out. I had no idea he had found me interesting the night before.  We chatted on the phone for a while. I had found him to be just as nice as he was the night before. During our conversation, he said he wanted to get to know me better. He said he had been impressed at what I had said the night before, and how I handled myself. I stuttered out a confused reply. He went on to say I had been very attentive and from what I said seemed to have not missed a beat or anything. At first, I panicked and thought - YIKES - had my surveillance mission been so obvious? However, it seemed my approach was ok with him. So, I took it as a compliment. I had been taken by surprise that he was attracted to me. At the end of the conversation, I agreed to go out with him. As I hung up the phone, everything seemed a little surreal. I called Irene for some needed girl talk.  I wondered what would happen next? However, I was excited to be soon going on a date. I was delighted to have a moment of “normal.”