A Strange Kinship (45th Post)

(Dear Reader, please keep in mind, the events in this Post took place between 1969-1970.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had not yet been discovered as a horrific and severe consequence of military combat. Therefore, the PTSD symptoms I witnessed were still a hidden phenomenon.)

Initially, Debbie and Rob were enjoying each other’s company and getting along well. I was enjoying our “girl talk” about the relationship. Rob lived off campus. He shared a house with his good friend Matthew who he had met in high school. Matthew was not a college student. After graduating from high school, Matthew excelled as a mechanic. Rob introduced Debbie and me to Matthew, so the 4 of us could hang out together. Turned out we all liked each other and spent time together.

 Whenever we were together Rob was reticent, or just flat-out refused, to discuss his previous military history, especially his combat tours in Vietnam. On occasion, though, he unwittingly revealed some of his undiagnosed PTSD symptoms. Sadly, whenever his symptoms surfaced, and were on display to be witnessed, he diminished, deflected, or outright ignored our concern and/or startled expressions. His responses - or lack of - left the 3 of us uncertain as to how to proceed. Consequently, we usually just followed Rob’s lead. For any attempts on our part to intercede were thwarted.

 Rob had an exaggerated startle response. Of the three of us, I was the only one that understood the reaction as I too had an exaggerated startle response. This awareness had come to my attention, as a result of many people complaining about or “kidding me” about my type of response. The first couple of times I was confused by their comments as I thought my response was normal. SIGH. However, as we all know, the majority rule, so I began to see this issue as yet another piece of my puzzle to solve. I was uncertain as to why Rob had the same response, however, wondered if it was from his experiences in Vietnam.

One evening Debbie returned to our dorm room after a date with Rob. As she entered the room I noticed she appeared to look troubled. Debbie confided in me she was indeed concerned about Rob. She said he had presented her with an odd request. He had said if he was ever asleep on the couch when she arrived to visit to awaken him with - what she called - an “odd ritual.” In order to awaken him she was instructed to first look for a broom which would be found in proximity to the couch. Next, he cautioned her to not call out to him to wake him up.  Instead, she was to stand at a distance and use the broom’s handle to lightly touch his shoulder. She said his only explanation behind this request was that he was a deep sleeper and sometimes had an exaggerated startle response upon waking. Debbie told me she did not know what to make of the request. Given that I had night terrors and an exaggerated startle response, I contemplated how to frame my reply. For, since I was a teenager, I tried my best to both these plagues to hide them from other people. After some musing, I suggested to Debbie that perhaps the seemingly odd ritual was somehow connected to Rob’s combat experiences in Vietnam. Inwardly, I figured my afflictions came from my past, maybe his did too. I also cautioned Debbie not to tempt fate and test out a different way to awaken Rob than he had directed. I did not tell her my reason for the caution. After our conversation ended, I wondered only to myself, if Rob, like me, had the same extreme rage which I found so difficult to control upon waking from sleep? This was indeed a very strange kinship between me and Rob.